Years back, we hosted a party, but it was not just any party, I wanted things to go back to the time when fashion came to a party, when a dress code meant a suit and tie and when parties were fun. While the idea of a formal party was well received by most, it was odd that a few people were a bit ticked at us to say the least because they had to dress like ladies and gentleman. This was my form of lavishly living life out loud dressing in fashion, and having an great formal party that definitely got out of control with bad adult behavior, but it sure makes a fabulous story!
We had one couple, older than most of us, arrive to our doorstep and thanking us for coming. When I arrived in the kitchen, and introduced them to a few other couples, the bell again rang and I exited. Upon my return my one friend said, “oddest thing Dana, these two think you and your husband are running some kind of cult because you have a formal party and a bunch of people at your home”, I suggested merrily that they give us the deed to their home and all of their personal belongings cause I did not want to disappoint them. Really, what the hell was the matter with these people, but this was just the beginning.
The house was all festive with holiday decor in every room, a professional DJ and Karaoke Master in the house and we were off to a great time. We had 50 people in attendance, 25 couples plus ourselves, beer, bottles of libations and so much food on the chef’s center island that I did not think it would ever disappear. Everyone was from the immediate area, so they were walking home, not driving(so the alcohol flowed freely as the only return on this trip was a walk to their homes) and the party rocked, until the wee hours of the morning, about 3 am to be exact.
Once the beer was gone, the crowd began doing shots of tequila, which led to shots of Jack Daniel and it went on from there(at the point I cut alcohol off, a few neighbors disappeared and reappeared with bottles of hard alcohol not taking my subtle hint. Our feature drink of the night was champagne with berry something or other, a really great drink, but we also went through a few cases of champagne. The singing was loud, but it did not matter because, we all were the neighbors we would be annoying so who cared? I bet the aspirins were flying that night as the headaches were just about to set in.
In between all the mayhem we had a lot of other odd party behavior: we had one couple engage in an all out brawl(fast forward they are now divorced), but they were really going at it and everyone heard. We had another couple tell us how much they hated each other. In fact, when they were ready to leave, my husband told them, “goodnight” and the wife responded, “if you had to go home with him do you think you would have a goodnight?”(fast forward 5 years, they are divorced as well).
Someone peed all along the wall of the bathroom, while another person, pulled out a light bulb so that there would be no light for the next person(like what grade were we in? and how crappy do people treat other’s homes!) And in between I might as well have run a confessional because the more they drank, the more they told me and each other.
The stories are something I will save for another blog, because they were just too numerous, but the overriding theme, “we drank too much and our mouths don’t know when to shut” , including one person who talked about children they adopted as, “children we just bought, all it takes is cash.” This caused another couple who had just adopted to interject and add their comments about how wrong what she had just said was, and how offended she was and well, let the match spark a small flame, you got the idea. A small scuffle and then they left telling us that that lady was not a fit mom and her opinion on adoption was so ignorant as if I were the person who had said it, sorry, I just invited them, I do not fill their mouths with words! I could not take anymore, I just kind of walked away, hoping that the next words would be, ‘we are all leaving’, but no such luck, the music got louder, and the action got zanier, and more out of control.
Somewhere in between beer and tequila our one lady neighbor decided we all needed to see her body. She had been talking sex all night long and the party was just about to get ‘ugly’ for real. She began peeling her boobs out of her bra and flashing each of us, but she started out giving a private show and worked her way out of the mud room into the kitchen where she took center stage and suddenly whipped ‘the girls’ out! Hot sugar coated beans, it was two live ones in the middle of my kitchen. Now the couple that thought we were a cult(remember them from the beginning of the story) now thought we were a sex clan and went running for their jackets to leave as they were made to feel very uncomfortable. I eagerly welcomed the door to them and totally wanted to follow!
After the couple left, the striptease show began, and this lady, just kept whipping additional parts of her body out. She pulled her skirt up, her pantyhose down, started taking her boots off,until the husband asked if anyone was interested and then told her to put it away. At that point, the crowd dissolved, and the walks back to their respective homes began.
One thing we have never done again, is throw a party with that much alcohol, or that many people in our private home. We have seen the lady that thought we were a cult and a strip club and they don’t speak to us as if we had control over the stripper and the outcome. Our intent was not to get crazy and out of control, but to offer a nice gathering, which was not well-received, you might say you can dress them up but you can’t take them out! Unwinding is one thing, but obnoxious is another. It would seem that the only way a gathering was nice to this crew was through being totally sloshed and out of control. The stripper story lives on and everyone knows about it as word traveled fast. The behavior she elicited is normal as she does the same at her own parties, but we did not know that until after someone told us. I guess the icing on the cake was her children and her oldest running around in a skinny tank top that shows too much and when the dad saw, “please come in and change your shirt you need to cover a bit!” Her words allow me to lavishly relish in what we already knew and figured would occur, KARMA: “Dad, why should I Mom always wears a shirt like this, I match her!” Is this a true story? You bet it was and this is just one of the many wild stories we have as we lavishly live life out loud.